Well here I was Age 30 in a newish relationship with a guy nearly 10yrs  younger than me, all my weekends free.   It was meant to be a happy time, but no.   Here I was staring a little stick watching a blue line form.

Deep down I knew I was pregnant, after all I had done it four times already but I was praying that I was wrong.  I was on the pill for goodness sake!  No doubt about it I was pregnant, there was a faint line proving the fact.   Bugger!   He of course is over the moon, I was happy I always wanted one more just not yet.   But hey, here it was I was going to make the best of it.

Two weeks later I went out with my friends (alcohole free of course) and when I got home I was bleeding.  I decided I would wait until the morning and then see how it was. It was the same so I made an appointment with the nurse at the doctors.  Sat in the waiting room I realised I wanted my baby and couldnt stop crying.  My b/f showed up as I walked in and was so supportive it made me worse, in the end the poor nurse was in tears too (LOL). As we left the room I jokingly said "Knowing my luck its twins now.

She sent me to the early pregnancy unit at Poole general where we had to sit and wait to be scanned, I hadnt been allowed to go for a wee so I was very uncomfortable.  A very abrubt sonographer lady informed me they may not be able to see anything and proceeded to scan me.  She couldn't tell and said she had to do an internal scan, to go for a wee and remove my trousers.  So off I trotted but not before turning round and seeing the bubble on the screen, which was no doubt a baby!

I was terrified, I wanted to run away I was convinced she was going to tell me my baby was dead, the screen was turned away and I was preparing myself for the worst.  She looked at me and said "well I can't get an excellent view, but your having twins".  Well I damn near fell off the bed!  Then she said "one is very much alive but I can't see the heartbeat of the second".  She turned the screen round for me to see and as we looked I prayed that the little red thing that showed the heartbeat of number one would start moving on number two.  Sure enough the little blob that was my baby number two twitched and it's little red thing started moving. The lady then said, as I tried to compose myself, not to screech in terror and excitement and overwhelmedness (is that a word?) "oh but you are only nine weeks, things can go wrong we see it a lot when women come in expecting twins and then one disappears by the 12 week scan".   All I could say was oh!

Despite that comment I couldn't keep the smile off my face we sat in the waiting room repeatedly saying twins, twins we are having twins. We had to report back to the early pregnancy clinic and the news had got there before us, everyone kept smiling at me and congtratulating me I was over the moon.   I called my mum on the way out the hospital and she had a go at me, said how stupid I was to be pregnant with twins ( she wasnt happy I was having one) so I called my dad and he said it was amazing and he was so proud of me at which point I burst into tears again!  We called my b/f mum and she was pleased too.

The next few weeks passed really slowly, I was dwelling on what the sonographer had said every time I went to the loo I expected to be bleeding, every twinge I would think I was going to lose one or both my babies. It got so bad that I finally convinced myself that I had lost one of the babies and I point blank refused to go to my 12 week scan.  I knew my b/f wanted to see the babies so I went but I did nearly walk out a few times before my name was called, he even had to escort me to the toilet cos he thought I was going to run away.  Finally we were called in and I walked as slowly as I could and refused to look, until they showed me my two slightly bigger blobs.   I cannot tell you the relief I felt, overjoyed was not the word.   I was buzzing nothing could tear me down, I WAS ACTUALLY GOING TO HAVE 2 BABIES!!!!!

Things were prettty uneventful for the next few weeks, I had no morning sickness at all, which I worried about but everyone was getting excited. Things with my b/f however were strained, he was living with us at that point and he started not speaking and playing on his XBox in our room instead of sitting with us and was basically acting his age! I was 16 weeks pregnant with his twins when he walked out on a sunday declaring that he couldnt cope with two babies.   My older four were fine, one baby was fine but two -  oh no!   My world fell apart, I was devastated but there was no way he was going to muck us about, despite saying he wanted to die without me and at times begging to come back he was going to have to prove hiself to me.

He came to the 20 week scan where we found out I was have definitely one girl and possibly two but she closed her legs so she couldnt get a decent look. I was happy but secretly I wanted a boy but I didnt want girl/boy twins, I wanted to dress them the same.  I was to have two weekly scans to keep an eye on them as one was smaller so I told my ex that I wanted to let the other children come to the next one at which point things got quite nasty.  He wanted to go and I wouldn't let him basically. That was the last time I saw him.   I had a scare at around eight weeks where they thought that we might have TTTS and wanted to check the chord pulse (something like that) and I told him I wanted him with me, but he sent his mother instead.   By that time he had met someone else and she didnt like the fact I was pregnant.

At 32 weeks I was in bed on the Tuesday morning when I realised I hadn't felt the girls move since the Saturday before.  I tried poking, rubbing, talking to my belly, drinking something cold, peas on my belly nothing worked. I calmly called the hospital who told me to come straight in.   I drove myself and got to the end of the road before the tears came, luckily my ex husband came round that same corner and saw me and offered to come with me to the hospital.  I thought he was going to drop me off but bless him he took the day off work to come with me. Of course as soon as the midwife attached the heart monitors to my belly my little devils started kicking them off! They were so active that she couldnt do a proper trace. I was happy and felt a bit silly but I was worried so hey who cares.

Things really went well, I felt really well and despite my ex being a complete idiot demanding dna tests etc as his new g/f had convinced him I was cheating, yet he wanted them to have his surname and be at the birth, I was really happy, mum was as excited as me and my dad was over the moon too, I spent sundays at my parents having dinner and I really enjoyed it, although my poor dad had to endure me sobbing on his shoulder more than once. There are no twins in the family at all so the fact that I was having twins was a miracle.

Twin one had always been a awkward moo, by being small and not opening her legs when we needed her to, now she was upside down.  Not just breech, oh no, she was footling (with her feet down) and they told me that if she stayed that way they would not let me try for a natural birth at all!!!   Eeek I really hated all the intervention during child birth, my last two were born at home and if I had my way the twins would have been too! So I decided to take matters in my own hands, I tried laying upside down off the sofa but I just ended up nearly suffocating myself with my boobs! I sat for ages with frozen peas on my belly, I watched TV on my hands and knees, but she wasnt shifting.

On Christmas Eve I was told I would be taken in for a section on the 7th of January if I hadn't gone into labour before. I informed the ex who just txt me saying ok what time.   Needless to say I didn't reply!  I had a lovely Christmas and New Year with my family and my babies were showing no sign of coming out or moving. On the 6th of January I gave them a stiff talking to and went to bed, everything was ready, even if I wasn't convinced I was!

I woke in a panic on the 7th January 2009.  My mum and dad and my eldest Michael were coming with me to the hospital, Dad was my birth partner and Michael was going to be there when I came out and was allowed visitors.   I made the hospital scan me one last time, which they were happy to do as they were very busy and one less section would have been good for them.   But no, my girls hadn't listened to me one little bit, I was going to have sunroof babies, actually my worst nightmare ever.   We waited, the lady that waited with us got sent home as they didnt have the space and I wished it was me. At 10.45 they came to get me and I did all the usual things, stocking put on me and I was tagged, I had so much fluid round my ankles that they needed to fix three together!

We walked down to the theatre, I was terrified shaking like a leaf.  Michael and my mum gave me hugs and left and I wanted to go too, I think I even tried to and dad pulled me back!  They put me into the theatre and everyone was lovely.   The guy doing my anaesthetic was very cute, and I felt the need to apologise for my poorly trimmed bikini line as I couldnt see it to do it right.   He just said it was ok they would have something to laugh about later! I of course was devastated!   They all did lots of things at once and my blood pressure rocketed, but soon calmed, then I was laid down and they started.   My poor dad who said when I asked him to be my birth partner "ok but Im not looking" walked in as they were putting iodine on my belly and saw EVERYTHING.  He looked white as a sheet and to make it worse they sat him just past the screen!

All of a sudden my dad said here she is, I didnt even think they had started!  The surgeon showed me a pink head with not much hair! Dad had tears in his eyes, and kept saying look look, they put a pink hat on her and checked her over.  All I could see was her hat, I hadnt even seen her face!  Then he said heres the second one, this time a dark head of hair popped over the screen and  was whisked off.   I was feeling a bit odd, my babies were here but I didnt even know what they looked like.  They were born at 12.31 and 12.32.   Eventually while i was being stitched they brought them over and I managed to stroke their faces.

I was amazed at how different they were and just how perfect, not puffy like naturally delivered babies.   My dad and the midwife took one each and went to recovery, where they sat dad down and gave him both of them! I was wheeled in to see him sat with a baby in each arm looking overwhelmed, shocked and in awe. The midwife weighed them and asked us to dress them.  Amy was 5lb 7 and Evie was 6lb 10.  They wanted me to try to feed Amy as she was quite skinny and cold so I tried while dad went to get a very worried Michael. He was the first to hold evie before me and they have a special bond since that day.  My mum came as well and we all cried a little.

When I was left alone I txt their father who demanded a picture and said he would come the next day. He never did and sent his mother who demanded a DNA test as I had obviously cheated on him as only one baby looked like him!!!  He also got his g/f to txt me and be abusive, effectively ruining my first few days that should have been my happiest. We went home after three days and I embarked on my life as a single mother of six.   My twins have to be the most loved ever, they light up every day of my life and share a very special bond with Grandad, especially Amy who absolutely adores him. I also have become very close to him. All in all I wouldn't change a thing, my girls dont need a father, they have me, their brothers and sisters and their grandparents and we love them more than anything xxx