I’m a bit worried about becoming a mother, and the fact it’s going to be to twins makes the whole thing a bit more daunting. You see, I don’t think I’ve ever even held a baby. Well, there was one time when my husband’s sister plonked one in my lap – obviously assuming that like any normal woman I’d be totally at ease with it. I was terrified, but luckily my husband (knowing about my baby aversion) swiftly scooped up said article and took it away. Since then, no-one in his family has ever let a baby near me again. It’s a bit embarrassing really.

So given my track record, understandably I’m a little apprehensive about having two of my own. But my husband tells me it will all come naturally when ours are born, and my mum says she didn’t feel particularly maternal before any of us were born, and she seemed to do ok.

All that said, I’m not sitting here worrying about it every day. In fact, I’m really excited about being pregnant and the thought of having kids (even two at once), and some days I fool myself into thinking that this is something I always wanted. It wasn’t though. I remember telling my mum when I was about 18 that I never wanted kids – ever. Obviously she told me I would change my mind one day - it’s taken over a decade, but it seems that I have.

So I guess I might have to call myself a slightly reluctant mum. Worried one day, vaguely confident the next, excited the one after that. Overall, pretty mixed up feelings wise – and I’m sure I can’t be the only pregnant woman to feel like that! But any reluctance doesn’t come from not wanting the kids - that’s never even crossed my mind. It’s all about how I think I’ll handle being a parent, and thankfully there are still a few more months to get used to that idea.

I only hope that in the few months I’m getting used to it, no one tries to make me hold a baby!

This post was first published on 16th July 2010 on Soozi's Eating for 3 blog. Come by and have a look...